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STUDENT: Most married people, out of desire and lust, bear children. And sometimes there seems to be a deep-rooted animal instinct to have children, an impulse which does not manifest in the mind clearly. I don’t know what the reason is. What does Bawa say we learn from having children? Before my wife and I bring a child into this world, I want to know the reason for it. Once a child is there, we enjoy it and learn from it, but that can’t be the only reason to have a child. Why should anyone choose to have a child? BAWA MUHAIYADDEEN: Why should lust come first? God created everything. He created the nine openings in the body, including the opening through which we come into this world. Why do you want to artificially close off that particular opening? It is an open door, a natural entrance, a gate. Why do you want to block it so that you will not have children? Isn’t that a fault? Instead, you have to control it. Think about your own birth. “This is how I grew inside, this is how I was born, and this is how I yelled when I came out. Blood and fluids and odors all came out with me. What a horrible stench!” If you fully understand your own birth, then you will have no need to bear children or to make love, because you will see that as hell. But if you have not understood it, then you must learn about it in that place. It is through that door that you come out of the womb. Right away you start nursing at your mother’s breast. You kick her and bite and tug at the nipple. A connection is formed with your mother, and as you go on sucking at her breast, love develops. Later, after the attachment is gone for the one you called mother, after the thought of her has faded, you fall in love. Then a connection forms with your wife. You see the same thing you saw before, but now, instead of calling it mother, you say, “My wife, my love!” You forget that the one you made love to first was your mother. You forget your own history. You forget that all this happened earlier. At some earlier time, I might have said to have a child so that you could remember what you have forgotten—so you could learn. By reminding yourself, you could realize what happened earlier. It is no use going against nature and blocking off that entrance to prevent birth. Do not use a net. Realize what happened earlier and teach your mind. When you start to learn about yourself, you will understand your own history and the story of your child. Then you can sing: Before I have reached the end of my suffering, Before I even found out what happened, Before I found out why I came here, Why were you born, my child? This world is tossing me about and tormenting me. My child, why did you come into this world? I am being tossed and rolled around in this world. My child, why did you come into this hell? After your child comes, you can sing this song. But if you throw a net across the usual entrance of nature and then say, “I am making love,” that is ignorance. Even animals do not do that. They control themselves. In three or four years’ time, a cow will have only five minutes of sex. That state of maya, or illusion, lasts only a few minutes. Then, from the time the calf is born until it is weaned three years later, the cow will not let a bull come near her; she will butt it away. So in all the years of a cow’s life, only fifteen times does she change her state into the illusory state of the world. But within fifty years of a man’s life, count the number of times that he goes into this hell of maya. How many minutes of each day his mind spends there! We have to reflect on this. Goats and cattle and other animals spend much less time on illusion than man does. Is he not worse than the animals? His whole life is spent in that hell. You have to understand this. If you block the entrance and think you are free, you will never realize your story, nor will you understand the story of your child and learn from that. All right, until you realize yourself, think about it and act accordingly. Muhaiyaddeen, M.R. Bawa. Questions of Life – Answers of Wisdom Volume 1. Philadelphia: Fellowship Press, 1991. 140-142.
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